You Know You're Indian When....

OH SQUEE! MY FIRST POSTIE, MY FIRST POSTIE, SANA BE AN EXCITED LITTL...*slaps self hard several times*

Phew.

Aren't you glad that's over?

Well, NOW zat I've regained my composure, and duly reminded you that y'all should be THRILLDEDLY HONOURED because every post I make HERE...means one less for 2koole4skoole, I'll get to the point.

Sigh.

Don't you love me?

Well you should.

Go away.

NO DON'T! STAY HERE AND LOVE ME!!!!!!!!

That was SUCH a bloody long intro, I ALMOST forgot what this post was about!!!!!

But now that I've remembered, I give you:

10 Signs That Your Origins Really Lie in Brownman's Land:

10) Your parents have no individuality. Their minds have, over time, lost all semblance of original thought and now form one homogenous blob. This means, for the long suffering children, that they agree with everything the other says.

9) Your parents have secretly already married you off to your cousin in exchange for a pot of dhal and three buffaloes (THANKS, AARON!).

8) If you are not an only child, you have no identity. This is because no one remembers your name. For example, you, my loving fans, may know me as Sangeetha (Queen Sana, actually, but characters of female importance don't exist in India), but my parents know me only as Shama-Deepa-Sangeetha. For uncles and aunts, it becomes more confusing, because they begin to confuse you with their own children, so you become Mena-Nithila-Abida-Smrithi-Shama-Deepa-Mena-No wait, have I said Mena-Wtf was your name again-WHY THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY FECKIN CHILDREN-*random Indian expletive*-Oh look, random idiot Indian serial is on.

7) The word "Complimentary" is not an encouragement to entry, it is a prerequisite.

6) You buy something you don't need because it comes with something free that you'll never use.

5) If you go to a hospital to visit someone, no matter how sick, you spend as much time in the visitors lounge (free coffee and biscuits, people!), than you do with the invalid.

4) You bitch and whine about all Indian serials, but you secretly watch them because, for God's sake, Santanam is sneaking around with Prabha. PRABHA, PEOPLE, THIS IS GROUNDBREAKING!

3) You might be the smartest, most logical person in the world, but when Rohit dies and Sonia, his confused lover travels to New Zealand for closure and instead meets his doppleganger Raj who knows nothing of Rohit's existence and of course falls in love with Sonia but he's hunted down by Sonia's jealous father who organized Rohit's death in the first place but Raj survives, and despite getting shot in the arm has time to dance, sing and wear hideous outfits, catches out Sonia's dad, everyone's OK and Sonia finally forgets Rohit and falls for Raj instead, YOU CAN'T HELP CHEERING FOR THEM.

And yes, it WAS an actual plotline. Don't believe me? Go rent Kaho Na Pyaar Hai.

2) You top all your classes with ease, unless there's a Chinese person in your class, in which case, you two will battle it out for supremacy while the rest of your class copies your answers and goes partying while you, suicidal loser that you are, study. You'll never actually BEAT the Chinese kid, so you'd better hope he screws up of his own accord. (DIE, TEO, DIE!)

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY BE SINGING JANA GANA MANA (the Indian National Anthem, you idiot):

1) You'd rather eat the crappiest, soggiest tea biscuit for free than fork out a measly buck for a luxury gourmet chocolate biscotti.

Now wasn't THAT the longest bloody thing you've ever read?